Monday, October 15, 2012

October 15

I haven't talked alot about the loss of Aaralyn's twin, but today is special. Today is a day of remembrance, along with September 28, which is the day we found out that Aaralyn's twin had stopped developing and was being absorbed by my body; today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This day is not only for remembering those precious babies lost by miscarriage, but also ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, and the loss of infants after delivery.

About thirteen months ago I remembered how shocked and excited Ryan and I were that we were expecting twins! We were told to come back two weeks later, rather than a month to check on their progress. Those two weeks were the longest and most exciting of my life; the anticipation, two little identical boys or girls, whichever, it didn't matter as long as they were healthy. Trayton was going to be elated with having two siblings! Then the day came to have another ultrasound and check on them. That day was bittersweet, filled with mixed emotions. My heart sank into my stomach when the doctor told us one of the babies had stopped developing, but I also felt very blessed that we still had one healthy little baby who was growing right on track. I was one of the grieve in silence parents. I didn't want to announce our pregnancy right away due to the fear of something happening to our healthy little girl, and I also did not want to talk about the loss of her twin. I remembered a tab for baby loss that Earth Mama Angel Baby  had on their site and I visited that after receiving our news. While I love, use, and recommend their products, I found their link to Healing Hearts Baby Loss Comfort  most helpful. I read through personal stories and realized just how blessed we were to still be expecting our little girl. It also helped me to research more about Vanishing Twin Syndrome, and learn about how and why our other baby stopped developing. As our pregnancy neared the end with Aaralyn I felt sad both sad and thankful again for how things worked out and Aaralyn's birth day was again bittersweet. I suppose I will always feel that way when I think of the little one we lost. Gone but not forgotten.

Tonight I will light a candle, with many other families, as a remembrance of our lost little one, hold Trayton and Aaralyn extra close and pray for the families who have had to experience the loss of an infant (pre- or postnatal) or child.          

Wishing you a pot o' gold, and all the joy your heart can hold. Thanks for reading!